Talking the talk

I’m a match commentator - not a well-known one, I hasten to add, before you start Googling TalkSport or the BBC for clues.  You’d only hear me in one or two very specific places and of course I’m not going to let on what those are.

But that’s a bit of a surprise, isn’t it?  I’m sure that statement will have bought more than a twinge of horror to some of you reading this; another bloody woman wailing down a microphone and going into bat-squeak-mode when a goal is scored.  Lucky for you then, that I’ve got a fairly low-pitched voice not too far removed from a high male tenor.  I’m told I don’t sound too bad, so quit tearing your hair out for now.

I digress though, as what I wanted to talk about was the buzz of playing this very specific part in the sport that I love; the honour and the privilege of seeing what the average fan doesn’t.  I’m still a fledgling, a learner; only started at the beginning of this year but have covered games in the Premier League and Championship so far.

What a rush it is though; taking a place in the press box alongside laptop-laden journalists, pundits from Sky, the large teams that Radio 5 send to featured games - and the little guys, like us, who have a very particular job to do.

Commentating on a game is so different to watching as a fan; you put aside as much as possible the fans’ eye view and have to translate the action as it happens; the goals, the tackles, the refereeing decisions and the occasional bout of handbags from overwrought players.

The work starts at least an hour before kick-off; studying the team sheets, ensuring that the research you’ve done on your two teams is up to date and accurate, having a quick schmooze (I think they might term it “networking”) with fellow journalists and occasionally getting to meet ex-players and other celebrities.

Press positions vary from ground to ground; in the area of the country that I cover they are, in the main, pretty reasonable except one ground where it’s rather akin to looking through a large letterbox and hoping that there isn’t a laptop screen obscuring the corner flag at a critical moment.

The equipment is set up, checked and the studio link happens hopefully without too many problems.  The team of two are put on standby while the station presenter runs through previews, team news and newspaper gossip.  Surrounded by the babble of other commentators mixed in with the hubbub of the crowd, the teams line up and the countdown is given.

The whistle blows and we’re off, either working in tandem in a 5Live stylee, giving the action of “half a half” each, or with one giving the main commentary with the second person providing back-up, punditry, cover when there is no action on the pitch and even giving the firstline speaker a rest every now and then.

Commentating is hard; it requires quick reactions, good eyesight and the ability to absorb the identity of all the players on the pitch, including ones you may never have laid eyes on before.  Summarising is a different skill; an entire half’s action may need to be put together into a 90-second report live on air and there is no time to correct errors.  Punditry still requires the observation skills and the ability of the summariser to provide a word picture of a detailed piece of action.

The press reporters input their summaries as the match action continues and their contributions are sent down the broadband connections at regular intervals.  For every minute of the game, the press area is alive with action;  commentators paint their audio pictures for the listener and the pressmen tap on keyboards constantly.  Reporters confer on dubious decisions and necks are craned over monitors to pick up any critical errors that will make good talking points.

Ninety minutes usually flashes by unless the match is uncommonly dire and by the final whistle, throats are dry and fingers are flexed against the cold.

The work does not finish there as the after-match interviews are recorded; here is the chance to capture the views of the two opposing managers and hopefully some of the players too. Managers vary hugely in their interviewing style; by far the most entertaining that I’ve encountered is the redoubtable Mick McCarthy, who is witty and sardonic; others are less forthcoming and one or two are apt to throw their toys out of the pram if they feel they have been hard done by.

What a way to spend a Saturday afternoon though; I’m lucky indeed.