More cogitating

I think I have worked out what one or two of my problems are.

As I seem to attach importance to the concept of milestones, this is where my consternation at the age gap gets triggered. I will be entering the “third age” some years before you do.

This isn’t about attitudes or looks (although they are very important); it’s about biology, and whilst attitudes or looks can be dealt with to an extent, it’s harder to fight against the invisible armies of cells, chromosomes and DNA.

I can do nothing about being biologically older than you; it’s completely out of my control. I can and will do what I can at damage limitation; at least the DNA on one side of my makeup is pretty decent, although I know less about the other side. So far, I seem to be taking after the stronger half and I hope things stay that way.

It may well be that I have a completely erroneous idea of the ageing process. I know that I’m not going to fall apart as soon as I hit the next decade and for inspiration I look to the many people I know who are in good shape whilst being considerably older than me. That is what I must aim for; I’ve always worked on the premise that prevention is better than cure, but must try to stop obsessing about it.

I also need badly to find ways of dealing with intrusive thoughts; I seem to be constantly plagued by them, even when I am in a happy frame of mind. I wonder whether the only way forward is the inevitable happy pills, but while they will correct the chemical imbalances, they will not re-work the thought patterns. Maybe I need to look at other options, as at the moment I am feeling that I will never be truly happy again as the “best” part of my life has already passed me by.

And that is a truly wounding thought; I have spent all this time without you, not knowing that you existed, and now that I do have you, my mind won’t let me truly appreciate my good fortune. Instead it seems to be constantly tapping on my shoulder with some bad idea or other about the passage of time and its associated declines.

Another important factor, I have come to the conclusion, is my working environment – this time, not the job itself but the people I am working with. If they truly are representative of the people of this county then I have severe worries about the strain on the local NHS.

I am not exactly sylph-like in shape (whatever you may imagine me as) but have a BMI that is a couple of points over the “normal” range. However, out of fifteen people in the office, I am the third slimmest. That alone is a fantastic motivator into losing that last, elusive stone. Sadly though, they are also a very good illustration of what obesity does to health. Amongst these people there are three Type 2 diabetics, one with a major, chronic bowel condition and two with joint problems.

Even with the residual effects of a long-ago (and very severe) road accident, I am probably fitter than most of them. Fingers crossed I can stay that way as my suyperstitious self is concerned that they will somehow rub off their misfortune upon me.