Sorting the job

After a dreadful day on Monday, I decided that I couldn’t leave it any longer to try to do something about the work situation.  To that end, I spent an uncomfortable hour with She Whom I have little Trust of, in order to try and verbalise why I don’t think this is working.

It’s actually difficult to detail it here; I’ve sat here for a while trying to marshal it all into some sort of order, but I have failed miserably and cannot put it into words.

I feel she lacks understanding and I suspect that she feels that I am something of a disappointment.  At least she now accepts that I am not a team worker and never will be, although I tried to make that abundantly clear when I first interviewed for the job.  But that’s a Pyrrhic victory that gives me no pleasure, only the pain of being a square peg that has been permanently bashed into a round hole since January.

In an effort to put my point across, I had to resort to saying that I felt taking the job had been a dreadful mistake, which is what I feel to be true.

Oddly, the thing that pricked her most was my level of despair, so maybe she has a grain or two of humanity somewhere.  However, I don’t know whether that is enough to prod her into doing something to help me, as there is nobody else here who can.

I will see what happens over the few weeks, to enable me to complete six months.  In that time, I am going to continue to look for another job.  If it is no better by then, I suspect that I will be handing over a resignation letter or a sick note to get me out of here.

I have no confidence that things will change; the whole setup and culture are so poor that I cannot allow myself optimism, or the disappointment will be so crushing I will never deal with it.